Since I've been sick, I've had a lot of time to lay down and think. About everything. For example, just the other day I had a long conversation with myself about why hovercars aren't around yet. When I was a child, all the sci-fi movies about the not-too-distant future promised me hovercars. And since I've been disappointed with the lack of hovercars, which filmmaker should I sue? I need to continue thinking about this.
But while I was in the midst of my hovercraft-sadness, I thought about how I can be useful even though I don't want to get out of bed. Here are things I am good at, even if I'm not upright:
1. Celebrity critic - I have a lot of opinions about celebrities, mostly ones from Bravo TV's reality show lineup. I feel like it might be my duty to the world to fix these people.
2. Creating new workouts - Specifically, I can create a workout for people who don't want to get out of bed. My favorite exercise was when I put the remote just slightly out of my reach and then had to really work to get it back. In the interest of full-disclosure though, I finally called the hubs in to get it for me.
3. Rating smells - This pregnancy has made my sense of smell really intensified. I can, without difficulty, tell you if something smells awful. My research hasn't been expanded beyond my home and family, but from what I've learned I can share that everything smells terrible. Just... terrible.
4. Crying over nothing - I am so good at this. Last week, I cried because we didn't have any cheese. It was a sad day, indeed.
5. Answering every question with a movie title - I am pretty darn good at this, too. I did this with my sister a few weeks ago and the best part was, she didn't even notice. Which probably means that she wasn't listening in the first place, but I'd rather believe that I was just really good at the game. Did I enjoy myself when I was playing this game? Casino Royale.
6. Renaming animals - I think some animals need better names. In fact, I've never been fond of the term 'birds'. Rather, I think they should be called 'flappy things'. Much more descriptive, no?
7. Eating - I AM AMAZING AT THIS. I can eat just about anything at anytime. Of course, as I mentioned in #4, I can also cry if I don't get the food I want. Pregnancy is a heck of a thing.
You had no idea I was this talented, did you? Pregnancy has done this to me and my family will never be the same.