Essential during the apocalypse, you will find hundreds of uses for garbage bags when the zombies are roaming free. Here's a few reasons why you should add an extra box of these to your next grocery list:
1. Hauling away the dead. It's not pretty to talk about, but that's the world we will be living in. When you've stumbled upon yet another neighbor who has met their end, give them a proper burial in a garbage bag and place them at the curb. I've asked my husband to do the nice thing and just try to drop dead by the curb in the first place, but he made a face at me. He doesn't see the big picture.
2. Garbage bags are great for loading up those old clothes that don't fit anymore and hauling them to the Goodwill down the street. YES, GOODWILL WILL STILL EXIST DURING THE APOCALYPSE. I HAVE TO BELIEVE THIS OR LIFE WON'T BE WORTH LIVING.
3. So, it's sad to say, but some people will try to exploit the zombies during the apocalypse. I won't admit that I'm probably one of them. But I am. If you're up for making your own "Zombie Zoo", you'll need to catch a few good specimen and throwing a garbage bag over their head is an efficient way to trap them. If people start talking about the ethical treatment of zombies, offer to let them out of the cage to give the naysayer a hug... that ought to take care of that.
4. Garbage bags make great ponchos. And they're so stylish. OK, they're not, but beggars can't be choosers... wear the bag or catch pneumonia, it's your choice.
5. Once the apocalypse happens, cardboard boxes are going to be prized possessions. They will mostly be used as residences or as kindling. So what are you going to do when you decide to move into the bigger house down the street (you know, once the owners have been eaten)? You'll pack your stuff, including the complete Golden Girls DVD set, into your garbage bags and move in with little fuss. And you'll remember to watch The Golden Girls while you're unpacking.
6. When the world ends, garbage bags will be the new satin sheets. You heard it here first.
7. Garbage bags are going to be great for potato sack races, especially since you went a little nutso when the Jo-Ann Fabrics became overrun and you ripped apart all the actual potato sacks for your burlap projects.
8. I'm not completely convinced that we can't domesticate the zombies. If we can yoke their strength, we should get them to clean up the post-apocalyptic litter. They can use the garbage bags for that purpose.
9. If you can find those clear garbage bags, you can put them up on your front porch to keep the zombies out. They aren't that bright so it is sort of like a force-field to them.
10. Garbage bags used to be worn by people in the front row at Gallagher shows. You know who that is, don't you? I CAN'T POSSIBLY BE THAT OLD. At any rate, garbage bags, when worn over your clothes, can protect your priceless Osh-Kosh-B'Gosh overalls from any errant zombie bits.
Until next time survivors,