Monday, August 13, 2012

Apocalypse Monday - Garbage Bags

Garbage bags.  Myself, I'm a 'Glad' kind of girl, but I'm sure 'Hefty' is a fine brand... whichever you choose, you'll find yourself happy to have them.

Essential during the apocalypse, you will find hundreds of uses for garbage bags when the zombies are roaming free.  Here's a few reasons why you should add an extra box of these to your next grocery list:


1.  Hauling away the dead.  It's not pretty to talk about, but that's the world we will be living in.  When you've stumbled upon yet another neighbor who has met their end, give them a proper burial in a garbage bag and place them at the curb.  I've asked my husband to do the nice thing and just try to drop dead by the curb in the first place, but he made a face at me.  He doesn't see the big picture.

2.  Garbage bags are great for loading up those old clothes that don't fit anymore and hauling them to the Goodwill down the street.  YES, GOODWILL WILL STILL EXIST DURING THE APOCALYPSE.  I HAVE TO BELIEVE THIS OR LIFE WON'T BE WORTH LIVING.

3.  So, it's sad to say, but some people will try to exploit the zombies during the apocalypse.  I won't admit that I'm probably one of them.  But I am.  If you're up for making your own "Zombie Zoo", you'll need to catch a few good specimen and throwing a garbage bag over their head is an efficient way to trap them.  If people start talking about the ethical treatment of zombies, offer to let them out of the cage to give the naysayer a hug... that ought to take care of that.

4.  Garbage bags make great ponchos.  And they're so stylish.  OK, they're not, but beggars can't be choosers... wear the bag or catch pneumonia, it's your choice.

5.  Once the apocalypse happens, cardboard boxes are going to be prized possessions.  They will mostly be used as residences or as kindling.  So what are you going to do when you decide to move into the bigger house down the street (you know, once the owners have been eaten)?  You'll pack your stuff, including the complete Golden Girls DVD set, into your garbage bags and move in with little fuss.  And you'll remember to watch The Golden Girls while you're unpacking.

6.  When the world ends, garbage bags will be the new satin sheets.  You heard it here first.

7.  Garbage bags are going to be great for potato sack races, especially since you went a little nutso when the Jo-Ann Fabrics became overrun and you ripped apart all the actual potato sacks for your burlap projects.

8.  I'm not completely convinced that we can't domesticate the zombies.  If we can yoke their strength, we should get them to clean up the post-apocalyptic litter.  They can use the garbage bags for that purpose.

9.  If you can find those clear garbage bags, you can put them up on your front porch to keep the zombies out.  They aren't that bright so it is sort of like a force-field to them.

10.  Garbage bags used to be worn by people in the front row at Gallagher shows.  You know who that is, don't you?  I CAN'T POSSIBLY BE THAT OLD.  At any rate, garbage bags, when worn over your clothes, can protect your priceless Osh-Kosh-B'Gosh overalls from any errant zombie bits.

Until next time survivors,
Thrifty Crafty Girl
I link up at these great parties!

8 comments:

  1. You could also use them as kites. We still need some entertainment right? LOL

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  2. Thank goodness you referenced The Golden Girls again. I am not sure how many writers are talented enough to write about both The Golden Girls and Zombies in one piece...you my dear, are one such talented writer.

    And I am equally as thankful for #2

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  3. Also, ghost costumes! I'm pretty sure if the zombies think you're already dead, they'll leave you alone. And they're not that bright, right...?

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  4. Now I feel like I can't just comment without leaving another use for garbage bags like your other friends here. So how about using them like DEPENDS because if I ever see a zombie, you know what is going to happen in my current underwear, right?

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  5. You can also use them for crafts. You did say we will still be able to craft? Right?

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  6. I love your Apocalypse Monday posts, especially #2 above. I mean, if there's no Goodwill, what's the point, right?

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  7. BaaaHaaaHaaa!!!!! The force field is perfect, almost peed my pants there. This is a good one, or should I say another good one. I just saw Gallagher on a TV ad, can't remember what for, but he was killin' the fruit.

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  8. Gallagher is killin' the fruit on that commercial. I agree with Amy about zombies and the Golden Girls in the same post. I've been sharing your posts with some people from work!

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I love all the comments I get from you! Because of an insane amount of spam, I had to turn off anonymous commenting but I'd love it if you'd comment anyway!