YES. YES, I DO. YOU'LL THANK ME WHEN YOU'RE NOT ZOMBIE-FEED.
This week, we'll be discussing why cotton balls are necessary supplies for the end of civilization.
1. The worst thing about the zombie apocalypse, besides running for your life on an hourly basis of course, is the noise. Zombies groan really loudly and so do people when they're being devoured. Use these to plug up the ol' ears and enjoy the silence.
2. The best defense against the zombies is to make them think you aren't even there: Use the cotton balls to make spiderwebs for the outside of your house. Those zombies will think no one's been there in ages and they'll make their way down the street. If you make a big enough web, you might be able to trap a zombie or two. They don't make good house pets; you've been warned.
3. Cotton balls are a useful beauty tool and that doesn't change during the apocalypse. Use them to apply makeup or take off nail polish. 'Cause you're still beautiful, even when you're armed with a chainsaw.
4. Crafting will get more extreme during those dark days. You can use those cotton balls to attempt to make cotton fabric. You will use the fabric to make some of the ugliest clothes ever, but we will appreciate your effort.
5. During the apocalypse, stature is everything. We'll go back to caveman days where we had to puff out our chests to scare our opponents. Stuff the cotton balls in your shoes to add an extra inch to your height... that will show that meddling neighbor who the real tough guy is.
6. Not to be indelicate here, but young kids are still going to be dating. They will not know how to do it without the aid of facebook, but it will be happening. And since the dawn of time, girls have wanted to develop overnight... keep the cotton balls handy for bra-stuffing and keep the giggling to a minimum.
7. The risk of infection from small cuts is going to go way up once the zombies start attacking. Keep the cotton balls on hand with some peroxide for those scrapes. And yes, our husbands will still whine that it's 'sting-y'.
8. Buddy the Elf eats cotton balls. When your kids seem bored, you should imitate Buddy the Elf and entertain them. FYI, cotton balls don't go down so smooth.
9. Bags of cotton balls can double as pillows... you know, when you're on the run but still want to be comfy. They weigh practically nothing so they can be packed into your satchel easy-peasy.
10. If I bring one more bag of fake snow into my house, my husband will divorce me. But, he never said anything about cotton balls... your holiday decor will benefit from keeping an extra bag or two of cotton balls in with the ornaments... and a happy holiday to you.
Until next time survivors,