This reader is a genius. In fact, the first three uses for the bobby pins are hers entirely... there is no need to mess with perfection. Shauna, this post is for you.
Bobby pins are inexpensive and really versatile. And when the world smells like fear and zombie drool, you'll be happy you had these little items. Here are a few things that will make these pins useful:
1. Picking locks. Did any of you see or read 'The Time Travelers Wife'? He had to learn to pick locks so he could swipe people's clothing. It's the same thing in this case, except we'll be looking for food and shelter from creatures of the undead. Good movie.
2. Bookmarks. These little pins are perfect for holding your place in your favorite book. And let's face it, once the zombies hit, literature is going to stop being created. I mean, even Hemingway would have put the pen down if someone started gnawing on his leg. So you'll have to enjoy what's already been written and with these, you won't lose your place when you have to start running again. Tie a ribbon to the end for a little flair.
3. Holding nails in place. Odds are, you're going to find yourself alone in this zombie world. I mean, all those guys were slowing you down and you were right to trip all of them. Except for that one who wasn't slow but was super annoying... you tripped him out of spite and you'll have to learn to live with yourself. Anyhoo, when you find yourself a little secluded place in the country and decided to finally build that dream home you saw on Pinterest, you'll need to use those bobby pins to hold the nails in place. 'Cause a thumb or finger injury during the zombie apocalypse makes you zombie food.
4. Keeping your hair looking awesome, obvs. (That's how kids abbreviate 'obviously'. My entire life is spent trying to be cool. Still working on it.) Romance will still exist during the end of the world, and really, it's more important than ever. So when that hot guy shoots that zombie who's coming straight for you, pull your hair back from your blood-stained face and pin it up. A lady always has perfect hair and a blood-stained face.
5. Land mines. You've built that pinterest-inspired home in the woods and now you need to protect it. Stick these, pointy-side up, in your front lawn. Once a zombie attack happens, watch in amusement as the undead fall to the ground, swearing and grabbing their feet. Priceless.
6. I have an extended family member (who will remain anonymous) who uses bobby pins to clean their ears. I DON'T CONDONE THIS BEHAVIOR IN NORMAL SOCIETY. But, in a pinch during the apocalypse at least, this is a handy way to clean out the gunk in your ears. And really, what's worse: a little eardrum puncture or muffled hearing that prevents you from hearing the groaning of the zombies? That's what I thought.
7. Party games. You are the consummate hostess, even during the apocalypse. When throwing a party, you ensure that your guest have enough rations and boiled water, as well as some entertainment thrown in for good measure. Link up these bobby pins in a long chain. See who can untangle them first. This is a great game for measuring dexterity too, so you'll know who to pair up with during the next attack.
8. Abstract art. You are a crafty girl, just like me. And when you need to express yourself creatively, grab a pack of these and just sculpt. Let your creativity guide you until you have art that makes you weep. Mostly because you used to enjoy real activities and now you're forced to entertain yourself with bobby pins.
Thanks for the idea, Shauna! If any other survivors have suggestions, I'm all ears. We need to stick together during times like these.
Until next time survivors,