I get a lot of spam to my personal email account. It gets filtered and I trash it and move on. But today, I'm feeling a bit ornery, as my mother might say. So I responded. Below, you can read the email I received. After that you will find my response. Enjoy.
Urgent Response Needed.
From: Dr Badakri Tpsode.
Central Bank Of Burkina-Faso (BCEAO)
This Message Might Meet You In Utmost Surprise. However, It's Just My Urgent Need For Foreign Partner That Made Me To Contact You For This Transaction. I Got Your Contact From Burkina Faso Chambers Of Commerce While I Was Searching For A Foreign Partner. I Assured Of Your Capability And Reliability To Champion This Business Opportunity When I Prayed To God Or Allah About You.
I Am A Banker By Profession From Burkina Faso In West Africa And Currently Holding The Post Of Manager Of Bill And Exchange At The Foreign Remittance Department Central Bank Of Burkina-Faso (BCEAO). I Have The Opportunity Of Transferring The Left Over Sum Of ($10.5 Million Dollars) That Belongs To Late Mr Rudi Hermanto From Indonesia Who Died Along With His Entire Family In The Tsunami Disaster In Indonesia And India 2004 And Since Then The Fund Has Been In A Suspense Account.
After My Further Investigation, I Discovered That Mr Rudi Hermanto Died With His Next Of Kin And According To The Laws And Constitution Guiding This Banking Institution Stated That After The Expiration Of (6) Six Years, If No Body Or Person Comes For The Claim As The Next Of Kin, The Fund Will Be Channel Into National Treasury As Unclaimed Fund. Because Of The Static Of This Transaction I Want You To Stand As The Next Of Kin So That Our Bank Will Accord You Their Recognition And Have The Fund Transfer To Your Account.
Hence, I Am Inviting You For A Business Deal Where This Money Can Be Shared Between Us In The Ratio Of 60% For Me And 40% For You. And Any Expenses Incidentally Occurred During The Transfer Will Be Incur By Both Of Us. The Transfer Is Risk Free On Both Sides Hence You Are Going To Follow My Instruction Till The Fund Transfer To Your Account.
Further Details Of The Transfer And Text Of Application Form Will Be Forwarded To You As Soon As I Receive Your Return Mail And You Should Contact Me Immediately As Soon As You Receive This Letter.
Your Full Name.....................
Passport / Driving License...............
Your Personal Mobile Number.....................
Your Personal Fax Number......................
Trusting To Hear From You Immediately
Dr Badakri Tpsode.
Dear Dr. Badakri Tpsode,
Thank you for contacting me regarding this matter. First and foremost, I must ask this pressing question:
Why do you capitalize the first letter of every word in every sentence? I Am Doing This Right Now And I Can Assure You That My Typing Is Much Slower. And I Don't Think It's Making Any Real Point. Are You Just The Type Of Doctor Who Likes Things To Look Important? Because That Would Make Sense.
Back to the matter at hand, I am surprised that you found my contact information at the Chamber of Commerce in Burkina Faso. I did not think they accepted my listing. Also, I've never been there. Also, I'm not sure they actually have a Chamber of Commerce. And I'm happy that you prayed to God or Allah to find me as well, but I think you should just pick one... I'm all for freedom of religion, but you might want to focus your prayers to one deity to avoid confusion. At any rate, you've found my information and I'm so glad you did.
I would love to have 40% of $10 million. Thank you for offering! I always knew that one day, a stranger I'd never met, from a country I'd never visited, would offer me millions of dollars because another man I'd never met in another country I'd never visited died. I'm fairly certain this is how Donald Trump got his start.
I certainly don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I think my portion of this money is a tad low. Obviously you sought me out after a recommendation from the Burkina Faso Chamber of Commerce, which must mean I'm trustworthy in their eyes. As I receive several emails daily from other people in Burkina Faso, I'm very much in demand for these types of transactions. I would prefer that my portion be closer to 90%. You can probably live very well on $1 million, whereas I must pay for the life I would like to become accustomed to. I've flown first-class before, when they lost my luggage and upgraded me, and I certainly can't be asked to go back to coach. They don't give you hot face towels in coach.
Providing you can agree on my percentage, we may be able to move forward with our business arrangement. I look forward to receiving my millions.
P.S. I have received several emails from your deposed king, I truly hope that matter is resolved soon.